DON’T RIF BORDER PATROL; REDEPLOY THEM

There must be tickles and giggles all around DOGE these days at the mushrooming number of CBP Border Patrol Agents they can label excess and RIF. Billions and billions of easy savings are just a phone call away from Elon demanding that the Agents turn in their badges and assume the position-at the unemployment office that is.  After all, today’s Border Patrol staffing was designed to counter the rampaging hoards who were streaming across our borders like a zombie apocalypse, eating our cats and dogs, taking those cushy lawn cutting jobs, and luxuriating in those janitorial toilet cleaning gigs. But now that the agents teamed up to get Trump elected and their boy has shut down the flow through a simple suspension of Constitutional rights, it is time for them to get off the public dole, sapping the dollars that could be creating more billionaires. But we are here to say, “Don’t RIF Terminate Them” because…

their man in the White House is about to Make American Great Again by imposing fabulous tariffs–the best ever–on everyone from China to the Vatican.  But once those deals are signed off, someone will be needed to enforce them—and that is where excess Border Patrol Agents can come in.  Those agents work for Customs and Border Protection, which coincidently also employs America’s Customs and Border Protection Officers (CBPOs).  CBPO’s are the folks who staff the roadside booths clearing travelers into the country, checking the papers of newly arriving air travelers, and inspecting those cruise ships unloading masses into our ports.  But they also inspect cargo containers to enforce tariffs, and that means they are going to be so much busier making sure everything from Vatican-made Rosary Beads to Beijing Hot Pots cough up their due duty.

So, why not reassign the Agents into CBPO jobs and move them into the toll booths, airport kiosks, and gangway turnstiles. That would free up the CBPO’s there today, who are trained in cargo inspection and tariff enforcement, to do that work to make sure America rakes in the trillions that will make income taxes unnecessary and maybe pave our streets with gold?  An added bonus for America will be that the Border Patrol Agents will have their salaries cut to starting level income while they learn the job. Just imagine how much more money that will put in every legitimate citizen’s pocket. Bezos will be able to send even more girls on space joy rides.

Admittedly, it is a modest proposal, but Border Patrol Agents should not be crushed by the steam-rolling Musk Mushers after having worked so hard to get their guy into the Oval Office. If nothing else, Trump is known for his loyalty to friends and concern for the little man.  This would be a wonderful way to remind all of us of that.